A few years on...

It’s been a few months… ok, years. A lot has happened. Alyssa Bernardete was born this year. Ana Paula has developed anxiety issues. I was promoted at work… And right at the end of this eventful year, I came to realise how fragile my marriage is. It’s opened my eyes up to a whole new reality, one that I don’t particularly want to take with me to the New Year, but am unable to ignore. My MIL is sick. She was rushed to hospital a few weeks ago and has remained there since. My husband has visited her daily, spending over 4 hours there. I have visited once. I don’t feel that my presence is particularly wanted or needed, so I’ve opted to stay and look after the girls instead. But yesterday the bomb was dropped: they’re going to have to cut off her toes, possibly more. When all is said and done, it could be a lot worse, especially once you consider that she actually went in there with pneumonia. But, this was a huge upset for my husband. When he arrived home, his eyes were bloodshot and his nerves were on edge. He shut himself away in the bedroom and refused to talk to anyone. Much later in the evening, he came downstairs and although I begged him to talk, he clammed up and simply stared at the TV. As I stared at him staring at the TV, it dawned on me that this man was not going to be able to handle that inevitable day. We won’t be enough to keep him together and he will sink into a depression so deep that no one will be able to get him out. His commitment and connection to his mother is far deeper and influential than anything I’ve ever had with him, and although he has a strong bond with our children, it’s nowhere near as close. We will lose him. We won’t want to, but we’ll be left with no choice: it’ll be our sanity or his. The end will be bitter, petty and heart-breaking… for me, for the girls it’ll be even worse. And there’s nothing I can do about it. Nothing at all. So roll on 2015, let’s continue to fight a losing battle.